IM LOOKING FOR A LOT OF WRITERS WHO CAN TACKLE EVERYDAY ISSUES BUT ALWAYS MAKE YA GIGGLE DURING IT! YES I DONT MIND THE WORD "FUCK" THERE I SAID IT!! IF YOU WRITE ABOUT RELIGION THATS GREAT BUT I WANT YOU TO BE A SMART ASS WHILE DOING SO.
WHERE ARE ALL THE SMART ASSES WHO HAVE A BRAIN TOO?
Dear sir:It would appear that you have engaged upon a quest to find writers capable of writing with wit and humour, and it would also appear that the purpose of this email is to inform you of a passing interest in doing so myself. I could regale you with tales and examples of my skillset, which include things like killing dinosaurs with kitchen knives and stepping on ant-hills, but that would be selling us both short.That's because I am emailing you, instead, to taunt your excessive usage of the caps-lock button. You see, sir, or maybe madame - I have no idea and you did not provide enough context for me to state with any level of assurance - the 12th was not Billie Mays day, the day of the year in which everyone speaks in all-capitals to honor the fallen infomercial spokesman, and yet you persist in your shouty-madness throughout the length of the post.What nerve! I thought, what madness! How angry must this employer be! Perhaps, rather, you sought to ensure that your job listing was well-understood and avoided the ambiguity of properly-capitalized-words. Well, dear sir, I feel that I should tell you THAT I AM VERY CONFUSED BECAUSE SHOUTY WORDS TEND TO CONFUSE ME.If you give me a topic or a website to write for and pay me sufficiently (I'll work for dimes, really), I can guarantee that I will make not only you but also the entirety of your readers laugh. I'd love to see another applicant boast that and say it with any real sincerity.IF YOU PREFER, I CAN WRITE ARTICLES IN ALL CAPITALS.Attached is a copy of my resume. I'll hear from you soon, yeah?
Daniel A. Russ
Composition Sorcerer, Flint, Michigan
and then his response:
Sounds fantastic to me, anyway.